A world wide web of LIES

The rumors seem to be true—the new Weezer album is going to be untitled, with a picture of the (increasingly fugly) band members against a solid-color background. This time, it’s red. I just don’t think they’re even trying anymore. I read a review of their last one that said it was so bad it’d make you retroactively hate their good stuff (ie, “Blue” and “Pinkerton”). They were right. I heard part of a song on the radio, and ended up retro-hating 2/3 of “Blue”! But this news makes me have a fully charged retro-hate-on. It’s so bad I now hate Rivers’ second grade teacher.

If you need a Red Album to rock out with, may I suggest:

• King Crimson: The title track shreds like a corrupt accountant
• Loudermilk: Glam bam thank you ma’am? Yes!
• Baroness: Nothing rocks harder than this. I’d have bought the CD even if it just had the first two songs. Has the best (red-themed) album art: an Alphonse Mucha in hell type thing.

Speaking of color-themed/self-titled albums, someone should to a tribute to the mother of them all: The Beatles’ “White Album”. But instead of calling it “The White Album”, they should call it “The Beatles”. Oh, the lawsuits it would bring!

Speaking of self-titled albums, I’ve always thought that when a band/artist released a self-titled album late in their career, it was a sign they were in creative trouble. They’re trying to “redefine” themselves or something.

This weekend I actually spent all my money on groceries instead of robots. That Gundam kit I ate last week tasted AWFUL!

BLARGH, so in all this trying to get baritone strings to work hoo-hah, I realized a couple things. First, if I just got a set of strings for a 7-string guitar (with the low B that the kids so enjoy), I could use that and just leave off the high E. Then I realized that once I did that, I would have just had the same nearly tuning I used to use, which was 4 semitones below my current one–and used regular guitar strings, no less. So instead, I just got a regular set of strings, and then a really thick low E (.058), since the store didn’t have any low Bs (.062). It pretty much works.

SO–the old tuning was DGDGAD, and I used it quite a bit, but then I got bored and dropped the lowest D down to a really floppy C, and then put a capo on the 4th fret. This turned out to be a goldmine, so I restrung the guitar to not have to use a damn capo: EBF#BC#D (For that F# I have to use a D string, and then I use two Bs for the B and C#).

So I have this guitar. Or is it a baritone? Or is it a 6 string bass? The latter two terms I’ve always thought were interchangeable, but it seems this is not the case. I’d been using what D’Addario called “guitar/bass” strings, made for things like this one and Fender’s Bass VI. They’re like guitar strings, but an octave lower. Fun? Yes, but the two lowest strings sound like pure butt.

It was then that I had the idea of trying baritone strings, which are halfway between the guitar’s and bass’s range. I have tried many sets, and all of them are too short for my Teisco’s unfeasibly long neck. Hence, the literal anger/rage concoction that is my current emotional state.

After yet more research, I discovered that it was I who was ignorant, and not the rest of the world. Guitars have a neck scale of around 25 inches. I previously thought baritones and basses could be anywhere from 27 to 30 inches. Turns out baritones are around 30 inches, and basses can be anywhere from 32 to 36 inches. Guess what scale my “guitar/bass” thing has? Hint: the same one as a bass.

Some notes

Robert Smith used a Bass VI extensively while recording Faith, aka the Best Cure Album EVAR.

I’ve had this thing for almost exactly ten years. I saw it in a shop in Seattle. The pickup switches used to be the kind you found on Wurlitzer organs, but I kept knocking into them, so I had them replaced.

After years of no information at all, I eventually found out this was made by Teisco Del Rey. This guitar may be the lost cousin of mine.

Remember Harris’s Lament, from TV? On one particular episode of the Barney Miller show of yore, Det. Shepherd Harris was trying to register a domain name for his website (it was to be a website about websites). After much searching, he cries out, “all the good ones are taken!”

Well, this one can be taken, by YOU! Seriously, have you seen the garglemesh that passes for domain names on these web 2.0 sites? Most of them sound like something my stomach does after too spicy of food. And it’s only going to get worse. I predict in a few years even this one (theworldwideweb, dot com… dot net) will be desirable. Ten thousand dollars desirable? Only if you act now!