WWWhat in the World Wide Web

That is all.

The other day, my friend sent me a picture that is definitely a worthy addition to my list of saddest things. Brace yourself, because here it is:

Seriously. If you want to get as sad as possible as quickly as possible, you can’t beat this picture, or the product pictured. It’s right up there with bluegrass covers of Modest Mouse songs. High octane sadness fuel, I shit thee not. I can’t even go into all the reasons right now, because I have to go drink a glass of sand.

This is the part where I say that I’ll have to write more in the future about how store-brand knockoff products always make me feel a little odd (trips to Aldi were dangerous, to say the least), but I probably will never get around to it.

Two days ago I saw a house centipede walking across my wall. I hit it with my shoe, and it raised one of its many legs to flip me the bird. I hit it harder and squashed half its body, and then it just vanished.

You can probably guess what I saw tonight… »

Does anyone else get as annoyed as I do when people use hashtags outside of The Twitters? #getoffmylawn #noseriouslygetthehelloffmylawn

A BUNCH OF STUFF HAPPENED AND I… (PICK ONE OR MORE)

• DID NOT FEEL LIKE WRITING ABOUT OR TAKING PICTURES OF THE STUFF
• DID NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE ABOUT OR TAKE PICTURES OF THE STUFF
• FORGOT I HAD A CAMERA AND/OR A BLOG
• STARTED A FEW HALF-ASSED DRAFTS THAT I WILL NEVER FINISH
• DID TAKE A BUNCH OF PICS BUT THEY’RE STILL ON MY PHONE (AND ALL THE ONES FROM MY OLD PHONE HAVE MESSED UP EXIF DATA)
• NONE OF THE ABOVE
• ALL OF THE ABOVE (INCLUDING THE CONTRADICTORY “NONE OF THE ABOVE”)

It only has one item so far:

I have a list problem, but so does the entire inter-net.

I have two younger brothers. That’s not the mystery, though. Between 1995 and 1996, there was a thing they would do, and that’s the mystery: On Sunday mornings, we would all watch Nicktoons. The brothers (let’s call them Matt and Dan) were at the age where they fought all the time, and also trolled each other all the time. One of Dan’s greatest trolls would happen during a certain commercial that aired in between cartoons, now lost to the sands of time (the mystery). At a certain point in this certain commercial, Dan would yell this:

“OTT!”

That was weird enough. But as the weeks progressed, Matt would get anxious as soon as the commercial started, and grow more agitated until the moment of truth (and mystery).

Matt: “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it…”,
Dan: “OTT!”
Matt: “DANG IT!”
Dan: trollface.gif

But now, many years later, none of us can remember what started it all. Just the “OTT!”

How to be successful at blogging

Blogging what? Blogging blogs in your blog, of course! Post all the time, whether you have anything to say or not. Filler is your friend!

How to be unsuccessful at blogging

If you don’t have anything to say, don’t.

Pop Quiz

This blog that I have just now blogged here in my blog: is it successful or unsuccessful? Show your work.

By which I mean

Where did this phrase “fair enough” come from and why is it suddenly everywhere? Why is everyone saying it all the time? It’s like the “it’s all good” of 2010. Really, you guys are overdoing it a bit. A large bit.

Now you say: “Fair enough.”

But, you know

[Redacted]

BRB, upgrading WordPress. Hopefully none of my customized shizz will break, because I doubt I’ll have time to do any major fixin’…

NOTE, FROM THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE: Success!

NOTE, FROM THE LATER FUTURE: Posts like these are basically useless. If the upgrade hadn’t been successful, you wouldn’t even see anything!