That is all.

Seriously. If you want to get as sad as possible as quickly as possible, you can’t beat this picture, or the product pictured. It’s right up there with bluegrass covers of Modest Mouse songs. High octane sadness fuel, I shit thee not. I can’t even go into all the reasons right now, because I have to go drink a glass of sand.

This is the part where I say that I’ll have to write more in the future about how store-brand knockoff products always make me feel a little odd (trips to Aldi were dangerous, to say the least), but I probably will never get around to it.

You can probably guess what I saw tonight…

…half-squashed but still strolling across my wall like it wasn’t even a thing. This time I squashed the hell out of it, and dragged my shoe six inches along the wall to be sure. The whole way to the bathroom, the now 3/4 squashed monster was waving its remaining limbs at me and flipping me the bird(s). I flushed it, but I’m sure it’s still waiting.

I am never sleeping (or using the toilet) again.

• DID NOT FEEL LIKE WRITING ABOUT OR TAKING PICTURES OF THE STUFF
• DID NOT HAVE TIME TO WRITE ABOUT OR TAKE PICTURES OF THE STUFF
• FORGOT I HAD A CAMERA AND/OR A BLOG
• STARTED A FEW HALF-ASSED DRAFTS THAT I WILL NEVER FINISH
• DID TAKE A BUNCH OF PICS BUT THEY’RE STILL ON MY PHONE (AND ALL THE ONES FROM MY OLD PHONE HAVE MESSED UP EXIF DATA)
• NONE OF THE ABOVE
• ALL OF THE ABOVE (INCLUDING THE CONTRADICTORY “NONE OF THE ABOVE”)

I have a list problem, but so does the entire inter-net.

“OTT!”

That was weird enough. But as the weeks progressed, Matt would get anxious as soon as the commercial started, and grow more agitated until the moment of truth (and mystery).

Matt: “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it…”,
Dan: “OTT!”
Matt: “DANG IT!”
Dan: trollface.gif

But now, many years later, none of us can remember what started it all. Just the “OTT!”

Blogging what? Blogging blogs in your blog, of course! Post all the time, whether you have anything to say or not. Filler is your friend!

How to be unsuccessful at blogging

If you don’t have anything to say, don’t.

Pop Quiz

This blog that I have just now blogged here in my blog: is it successful or unsuccessful? Show your work.

Where did this phrase “fair enough” come from and why is it suddenly everywhere? Why is everyone saying it all the time? It’s like the “it’s all good” of 2010. Really, you guys are overdoing it a bit. A large bit.

Now you say: “Fair enough.”

But, you know

[Redacted]

NOTE, FROM THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE: Success!

NOTE, FROM THE LATER FUTURE: Posts like these are basically useless. If the upgrade hadn’t been successful, you wouldn’t even see anything!