Doc, it hurts when I go like this
Sunday night I dislocated my left elbow. It’s like this (and like that):
- The door to my apartment is on the parking lot side
- Idiots are always parking too close to the door
- making us 2nd floor fools have to squeeze through and then go off the side of the steps.
As I was taking down two bags of trash, I saw that I’d have to maneuver around an idiot parking job again, attempted to do this, and failed. My ankle slipped, I spun around, and fell off the side of the steps, flat on my ass. Luckily the trash bags broke my fall. Luckily, my right shoulder didn’t dislocate (which has happened a million times, sometimes completely unprovoked). UNluckily, my left arm went crazy. I thought I broke it at first, but it didn’t hurt THAT bad. After a nice neighbor gave me some water and unguent, I was able to relax enough to get my arm back in order, thus avoiding an ER trip and its too-high insurance co-pay.
Two days later, and my arm is stiff, swoll up to bejeezus and back, and I got a sexxxy bruise developing (pics to come), but much better than sunday night when I came very close to feeling sorry for myself (sitting on a pile of trash with your arm bent the wrong way can do that). I’m still in a little danger of whining, because now I have yet another bum joint to add to the list:
- ankles: often like to twist/sprain while walking
- right shoulder: been dislocated between 5-10 times
- knees: explode with pain if I get up from a kneeling position
- wrists: what do you think they’re like if I’ve been at a computer for half my life?
- (and introducing) left elbow!
I will be the first in line when they start offering full body transplants. They better start soon, while I can still get to the line!