A world wide web of LIES

I keep forgetting to write this down, and then when I remember, I don’t have time. Anyway, this is one of my favorite pastimes—one that also grosses people the hell out. I like to think of unholy food combinations, like chocolate covered steak, or deep-fried sticks of butter, etc. First, some famous ones:

• “Pork Soda”: a Primus album. (I tried to make some once, with a ramen noodle flavor packet and a bottle of seltzer water. The reaction caused a geyser before I could put the cap on)
• “Oatmeal Pizza”: a Nirvana lyric
• Those crazy Thanksgiving flavors that Jones Soda does every year.
• “Owl-flavored”: an ancient item on a Letterman top 10 list (rejected Jelly Belly flavors

I like to tell my “special lady” that they were all out of Co-cola, or root beer at the store, so instead I picked her up a barbecue sauce flavored cola.

And once, long ago, I was at a friend’s house, and we were making a pitcher of koolaid. There was a packet of orange and a packet of grape, so we decided to mix the two. The color was brown, and so that was the name we gave the mixture.

The most recent idea I had was a banana split, made of dinner foods:

• one polska kielbasa, cut lengthwise (this is the banana)
• three scoops of mashed potatoes
• various gravies
• a cherry on top

Also, an “asian-style” dessert burrito:

• red bean paste
• sweet “sticky rice”
• ???? (my brain must be blocking out some ingredients)
• wrapped in a spring roll wrapper (or use can use an eggroll wrapper and deep-fry it, for a dessert chimichanga!)

I submit that my neighbors should not be allowed to cook food in their kitchens. It was particularly bad last night, when my cat Spike made “a smell” in the litter box, and I couldn’t tell where his “smell” ended and the neighbor’s dinner “smell” began. Basically it smelled like an overcooked cilantro/curry-infused chicken and poop hotdish*. And for dessert, a plate of… (see title)

*Midwestern for casserole