WWWhat in the World Wide Web

In place of a bunch of emo-y words, here’s a metaphor »

I ride the bus every day, AND I am looking for affordable health insurance. If only there was some way to keep informed of affordable health insurance solutions, while riding on the bus. A-and it would be even better if I could be informed every three stops, at maximum volume (because I am deaf and forgetful).

Oh, what kind of magical future world am I dreaming of?

Facebook is testing out a new feature on their site—the “show only features that work” view:

(No, really, I see this view 4 out of 5 times I go there.)

Dear Photoshop,

Stop showing me this dialog!

From experience and googling, I have noted the following possible actions that bring up this dialog:

1. opening a picture
2. closing a picture
3. saving a picture
4. looking at Photoshop
5. not looking at Photoshop
6. having an old version of OS X
7. having a new version of OS X
8. installing a brand new copy on a brand new computer and trying 1–5 for the first time ever
9. existing

I have not yet begun to complain! »

Dear Freezer of mine:

Thanks for keeping my ice cream all nice and warm last night. I really enjoyed that refreshing cup of fail soup.

Love,
Toothless, Gumless Joe

My permalinks are all effed up, especially the attachment ones. I think it has to do with when I got all fancy with my directories and then everything got confused. Long story short, I had to re-enter a bunch of posts to get attachments to work right on them. Zuh?

I’m also seeing weird shutter-speed displays sometimes, but I don’t care enough about that right now.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY, PEOPLE#$P&!@#^

So I thought I’d look into this early voting thing, because that would be cool. Turns out the location for early voting is way the crap across town at the county clerk’s office (coincidentally located at 1776 Washington Ave). On election day I can just go across the street from my danged house to vote, so screw all that other business.

Sunday night I dislocated my left elbow. It’s like this (and like that):

1. The door to my apartment is on the parking lot side
2. Idiots are always parking too close to the door
3. making us 2nd floor fools have to squeeze through and then go off the side of the steps.

As I was taking down two bags of trash, I saw that I’d have to maneuver around an idiot parking job again, attempted to do this, and failed. My ankle slipped, I spun around, and fell off the side of the steps, flat on my ass. Luckily the trash bags broke my fall. Luckily, my right shoulder didn’t dislocate (which has happened a million times, sometimes completely unprovoked). UNluckily, my left arm went crazy. I thought I broke it at first, but it didn’t hurt THAT bad. After a nice neighbor gave me some water and unguent, I was able to relax enough to get my arm back in order, thus avoiding an ER trip and its too-high insurance co-pay.

Two days later, and my arm is stiff, swoll up to bejeezus and back, and I got a sexxxy bruise developing (pics to come), but much better than sunday night when I came very close to feeling sorry for myself (sitting on a pile of trash with your arm bent the wrong way can do that). I’m still in a little danger of whining, because now I have yet another bum joint to add to the list:

• ankles: often like to twist/sprain while walking
• right shoulder: been dislocated between 5-10 times
• knees: explode with pain if I get up from a kneeling position
• wrists: what do you think they’re like if I’ve been at a computer for half my life?
• (and introducing) left elbow!

I will be the first in line when they start offering full body transplants. They better start soon, while I can still get to the line!

Man, I haven’t had allergies this bad since my childhood home, which was across the street from a dude who was turning his front yard into a prairie restoration project. On the plus side, I never had to mow the lawn. On the minus side, I STILL couldn’t breathe.

What I have these days combines the wonderful burning of a sinus infection with the meth-freakout desire to tear all the skin off my face to stop the itching.

At least I still have my looks:

WHUT

Here are a few of the ways I’ve described my myriad aches and ailments (most often a type of ache):

• it feels like I am growing a new skeleton on top of my old one
• it feels like my skeleton is fusing together
• stabbed all over: that is the feeling in my head/neck/back/guts
• my head feels like a cell that is about to divide
• my brain is being crushed by giant hands
• I feel like that guy in the Bible what got a tent stake through the head
• I feel like a good trepanning may help the situation
• it feels like someone is squeezing my spinal column
• OWWW, barometric pressure: I am sensitive to it!
• that xacto blade just fell through my finger (the eternal model building hazard)