A world wide web of LIES

So, let’s set the wayback machine to a more innocent time. Barring that, let’s go back to October 19, 2006. I wrote this in my inter-net livejournal online blog page site:

Title: I cold invented a word tonight

I uttered the new word “GROINTMENT” many times in the course of this evening.

A. said “I think ‘groin’ is the ugliest word in the English language” and Ted said that “ointment” was even worse, so of course I had to top them both.

GROINTMENT. Groin + Ointment = Grointment!

GROINTMENT! “Dapper Dan, for the groin!” (tm Ted)

G R O I N T M E N T !

Order now, operators are standing by…

—-

And then, I came up with the best song title ever: “Frodo applies the grointment to Sam”. I am never drinking again.

So tonight I was thinking to myself, and wondering if anyone on earth was insane enough to have also come up with that word. The answer may surprise you, but probably not »

December 21

1. Buy new “long count” calendar
2. THAT’S IT

December 22

1. Wake up
2. Keep on living in a world that has not ended

Yo dawg I herd u like robuts…

…so guess what we did »

I had one of those—what do you call them—ideas last night. Say you’re with your sweetheart and you want to snack, but all the snack-sized packaging is optimized for one person. Enter Relation-chips™, the snack for two! OK, and there’s more: the bag could be heart shaped, with an opening on each side, so you could both reach for delicious snacks at the same time. (And maybe hold greasy hands in the bag? Sure!)

So I did some googling, and all that turned up was some techno CDs and a bunch of lovelorn people who can’t spell. This could be my gravy train…. if only people were totally stupid and utterly susceptible to cheesy gimmicks… IF ONLY!

Note to self: Consider offering gravy flavored Relation-chips™?

Another note, but to everyone: if you’re looking for some “random” food item to consider “funny” in an “ironic” way, then you suck and I hate you. Also, gravy is much a much “funnier” food item (and word) than bacon. Really!

The Flight of the Conchords theme song
    plus
“Only” by Nine Inch Nails
    equals
one of those “mashed up” songs that the kids seem to like

I was working this out in my Mind the whole walk home. Tonight I walked home at 126 beats per minute. The whole process was made infinitely easier thanks to nin.com’s remix section, which is a cool idea.

Hey, if Will Ferrell said this in his next movie, would you wear it on a t-shirt?

I know H.T.M.L.
(Hyper Text Markup Language)

(whut?)

And then I got to thinking: what would be the absolute worst style of music ever? And it hit me: TWEEMO. Has this already been invented? I live under a rock. A “indie rock”, lol! Or a “classic rock”, double lol!

So I saw this jewelry ad, and at the bottom it said “jewelry enlarged to show detail” or something like that. Since this ad was on the side of a bus, and the rings pictured were three feet tall, I was actually a little relieved.

(And I can just see someone at some point chewing out a jeweler for not having the giant rings like on the bus ad. PS—watch out for that coffee, it’s hot!)

So, the other night I was thinking to myself, where the hell do all these stupid made-up-word baby names come from? What I found and am about to show you could either be a coincidence or it could be earth shattering megalolz.

Xzibit A:

If I am reading this correctly, the name enters the public consciousness in 1994.

Xzibit B:

In Star Trek TNG episode “Thine Own Self”, an amnesiac Data is given the name Jayden by primitive villagers he encounters. This episode aired in—dun dun dunnnn—1994, proving once again that Trekkies are the source of all the world’s ills. (Just kidding, or “JK” everyone, I love the Trek myself, smileyface lol)

I am going to name my first born (or next cat) Boss Hogg, because I believe in honest, old fashioned names that have withstood the test of time.